Final Fantasy XIII is a video-game which has been in development for a very long time. This is because of the technological advancements; maybe this was a bad thing because it seems to have totally ignored the fact It’s an RPG and decided to go off In some fusion-y direction which from first impressions, totally put me off.
 
 The only thing which reminded me it was a Final Fantasy game was the generic atmospheric cut-scene then the jump into a battle, normally to ease you into the battle system. But you can tell something’s wrong when it takes half the fucking game before it even lets you pick your own God damn party. I know they’re trying to make it as easy as possible but, there’s holding your hand and then there’s Vulcan gripping it.

 One thing I’ve always liked about the series was how open ended the games are. Yeah, this is pretty much out the window- The game is so linear it puts rulers to shame; this isn’t helped by the mini-map which constantly reminds you of how you’re just running from A-B to trigger the next cut-scene (something which I’ll get back to later) which makes you almost feel like you’re just playing with the scene selection option on a DVD.

 The game doesn’t even have leveling or MP for that matter. When you battle monsters you receive something titled CP. No, not indecent images of children, Crystarium Points. These are the currency to upgrade your character in a grid system. At the beginning monsters drop so little it tries to hint that grinding is going to be involved. After disc two though, I was receiving so much CP I was beginning to feel like Gary Glitter's hard drive.

 Before I tackle anymore of the game's features I want everyone to know how FUCKING excessive the cut scenes are, they're fucking insane. I skipped all of these assuming they were just for show of how pretty the game is but no, they are the thing which sticks the plot together, I played the game and not once did I begin to understand the plot. This is not good storytelling! Another gripe I had was how you could select to skip a cut scene, and then another one would play right after it. If I skipped one, why would I want to watch the next one? Or the one after that!?

 Now let's get onto the characters. Firstly, you cannot name any of them yourself. Not the biggest of problems until you realize they have the most pathetic names in the history of Final Fantasy, even the original FIGHTER, REDMAGE, THEIF names sounded better than these ones: Lightening, Vanille, Hope?! Did they just open a frigging dictionary on a random page and point for the names? It's not even like Lightening has any bonus resistance to lightening. Which reminds me, Why the FUCK is the girl called Lightening and the guy is called Snow? At the start of the game you get the idea he's one hardcore mofo, tall, strong and doesn't even need a weapon. This is changed when Lightening floors him in a single punch and he just takes it like a pussy; despite the fact he's 1.5ft taller and much more built. I know they're trying to appeal to the emo kids but geez that must hit a bit close to home for them.

 As mentioned above, you're weaned into the battle system one baby step at a time. It's not until the end of the first disc the battle system goes downhill with the introduction of a system they call "Paradigm Shift" (More like Paradigim Shit amirite?) Where it lets you switch roles of characters. Which reminds me: Why do they only let us control one character? I've not played any of them past 10 so when did the series take this turning? I feel like I've just came out of a time machine since I'm having trouble adjusting to these new-fangled things they pass off as Role playing games. It's almost sad to see a once great series now plummeted into the ground on par with Imaginez games.

 Staying on the subject, I always enjoyed back in the days of Final Fantasy 8/9 when I first bought them and eagerly waited to play the game for the amusing dialogue and the whole story which is actually told through the game, not through 20 hours of cut scenes. I wonder if through development they forgot they were making a game because, I feel like I'm almost doing nothing throughout the game besides dragging my characters from one side of the map to the other, broke up occasionally by a cutscene or a lengthy boss battle just to fatten out the actual game play time. I mean seriously, on disc 3, I think the lowest any monster had was 600,000HP and the highest being around 63,000,000. Square, you know this is not how to make an RPG. You redefined the role playing genre back in the day and now, you're trying to do the same, but with everything that is wrong with an RPG.

 Honestly, I think I would have enjoyed this game much more if it wasn't branded under Final Fantasy, which I'm assuming is the opinion of the majority who hated it. It's good, but in its own right. Slapping the Final Fantasy title on it to drum up sales has only made people like me annoyed, since it's not a Final Fantasy game; it's a movie cut-up with running from A-B and pressing auto-attack on any monsters which come your way. It feels like you're not doing anything other than guiding the characters in the right direction, they do all the hard work for you.

 One thing I did pickup on though was how quickly at the start of disc 3 you unlock everything, all roles for characters, free-roaming, missions est... Which feels like the developers had much more content planned but had to squeeze everything into a small section in order to complete the game, I would have liked them to expanded this style from the beginning of the game; Instead of leading us constantly, gaining our trust before it thinks we're capable enough of handing ourselves in the big wide world. 

 I've tried to be as unbiased as I can while trying to remember everything I was going to write as I reformatted and forgot to backup my notes on the game. You may have also noticed that I haven't brushed on any of the plot, well that's because without the cut scenes I have no idea what the plot was even about. I've got a vague idea from the locations but overall, if you don't watch them, you'll be left out in the dust.

Overall I completed the game in 24 hours and 36 minutes, 24 hours and 36 minutes I'm never going to get back. I also hear of people saying it has around 60 hours of game play, which is total bollocks if you're not counting cut scenes.