This week I decided to go Thorpe Park with my entourage. More specifically the Friday when England were playing in the World Cup in the distant hope that we'd be-able to get on most of the rides and avoid most of the 13 year old children going with their distraught mother's after they give into their childish tantrums and to try and rekindle the reason why they didn't just use a coat hanger.
For those who have never been to Thorpe Park will never understand the sensation of being metaphorically raped by a ninja. Here is a short review of my most enjoyed rides I went on:
Collosus
Fun facts
Height 98 ft (30 m)
Drop 95 ft (29 m)
Max G force 4.2
We went on this ride first when the park just opened and blazed past the empty queue line and got on the second ride of the day, this ride was intense with its multiple corkscrews and tight loops this ride was what put Thorpe Park on the map.
Nemesis Inferno
Fun facts
Height 95 ft (29 m)
Drop 95 ft (29 m)
Max vertical angle 40°
Just look at this fine piece of Swiss engineering, this ride is the only inverted one in the park and stands as one of the coolest looking roller coasters as well as the only one to give people dizziness after getting off the ride.
Stealth
Fun facts
Height 205 ft (62 m)
Drop 200 ft (61 m)
Max speed 80 mph (130 km/h)
This ride is the cream of the crop shit for Thorpe park, while it may not be the tallest one in the world from the speed, intensity and short length of this ride: this is truly the closest people will get to being raped by ninjas.
Fun facts
Height 205 ft (62 m)
Drop 200 ft (61 m)
Max speed 80 mph (130 km/h)
This ride is the cream of the crop shit for Thorpe park, while it may not be the tallest one in the world from the speed, intensity and short length of this ride: this is truly the closest people will get to being raped by ninjas.
Ones which did not make the top three but deserved a mention;
Rush - Makes you feel as though you were one of the airplanes in King Kong.
Tidal wave - If you want something wetter than your mom's twat.
Saw: The ride - Scene kids make me despise humanity.
Loggers Leap - Did not find this ride, turns out its tucked away right at the back.
Detonator - If you ever wanted to feel as though you are shitting out your intestines, this ride is for you.
X:\No way out - Not even Norton can save you from the whiplash.
Flying Fish - Again, They decide to tuck away rides.
Rush - Makes you feel as though you were one of the airplanes in King Kong.
Tidal wave - If you want something wetter than your mom's twat.
Saw: The ride - Scene kids make me despise humanity.
Loggers Leap - Did not find this ride, turns out its tucked away right at the back.
Detonator - If you ever wanted to feel as though you are shitting out your intestines, this ride is for you.
X:\No way out - Not even Norton can save you from the whiplash.
Flying Fish - Again, They decide to tuck away rides.
Overall time at park: 5 hours
Rating: It's alriiiiiiight
In conclusion, a map might have been a good idea.
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